The past 10 and a half months were nothing like I expected they would be.
I moved to Los Angeles. I got an apartment. I had to buy groceries and figure out how bills work. I had a fantastic roommate who became a really close friend. We stayed up way too late and slept in way too late. We discussed faith and loneliness in the city and how we both needed to stop shopping and our days and music and movies and mostly what adventure we wanted to go on next. I explored. I road tripped to San Diego and to Joshua Tree. I discovered a passion for the outdoors. I started hiking. I went on hikes that made me feel like I was in another country. I constantly worried about rattlesnakes when I started hiking in the spring/summer. I crawled through ocean caves. I crawled through one of said ocean caves at the wrong time and got pushed around by the tide and got some nasty cuts and bruises. I found two church homes. I got to hear one of my favorite pastors speak weekly. I saw celebrities at church. I listened to the leaders of the church inform its people that we shouldn’t ask those celebrities for pictures because church should be a safe place. I reminded myself I was there for Jesus. I had to refocus and recenter myself. I discovered one of my new favorite pastors. I looked forward to church every week. I took notes. I spent a frightening amount of money on parking meters and a frightening amount of time sitting in my car on the highway. I adjusted to driving in the canyons. I got over the scary curvy roads. I yelled at a lot of LA drivers from the inside of my car. I learned and forgot statistics. I hated statistics. I learned English. I learned Jewish History. I changed my major from film to communications. I met new people. I made new friends. I opened up to new friends. We had game nights. We sat at diners at midnight. I listened to them talk about acting. I had one of said new friends come visit me in Texas. I had bad days. I had bad nights. I cried to my parents on the phone. I lost friends. I felt like a failure. I had really, really good days. I felt on top of the world. I texted my best friend about how happy I was. I had visitors. I showed those visitors all of my favorite spots in Los Angeles. They went home and I wrote them letters. I visited friends in Austin and Nashville and Chicago. I bought strawberries off the side of Pacific Coast Highway. I accidentally found myself on Skid Row. I felt unsafe a lot. I sat in coffee shops. I rode bikes down The Strand in Manhattan Beach. I drove through palm-tree-studded streets with the top down. I constantly drank coffee. I ate a lot of pasta and grapes and quesadillas and mac and cheese and hash browns. I got a little lost. I got confused. I got back on track. I changed my mind.
And now I’m moving back to Texas to continue the book I’ve been writing since I was born as a Texan, and to start the next chapter as an Aggie.
LA didn’t work out for me, at least not at this stage in my life. I know that might be confusing to people because my Instagram is full of blue waters and blue skies and sunsets and smiles and GoPro selfies and gorgeous hikes. And all of those things happened and I had fun and I enjoyed myself plenty, but this city just ended up not being the place for me. I’ll miss it. That might be confusing, but I really will. I’m positive I’ll bawl when I drive away. But I realized what’s important to me right now, and that’s being closer to my family and my friends. I miss the community that I found myself surrounded by in Texas which is why I’ve decided to move to College Station.
It’s kinda scary. Something can be your dream for so long and it can be the motivation behind everything you do, and then you get there and you’re disappointed and lonely and scared and you change your mind. That’s what LA was for me. But that’s really okay. I needed this year. It was vital that it happen. God revealed so much to me. He revealed that He needs to be the motivation behind everything you do and that He will never fail you or let you down like worldly motivations most certainly will. He revealed that you can walk down one path and you can realize it’s all wrong and He can just pick you up and set you on the right one if you just talk to Him about it. And even if you don’t talk to Him about it, He’s gonna make it right for you. I learned not to romanticize places. I think California gets that a lot. I learned not to romanticize people. They will let you down. At the same time, I learned it’s important to lean on people. They’ll try to be there for you. I learned just how much I need to lean on Jesus, which is with my entire being. I learned that it’s hard. I learned how important sincerity is. I became so grateful for genuine people. I appreciated the friendships I had cultivated back in Texas. I cultivated new friendships in LA that I appreciate now. I learned what I look for in friends. I learned not to let everyone in, but to still love them like Jesus would. I learned that it’s okay to put myself first. I learned how crucial it is to listen to your gut. I got to explore and photograph beautiful places. I appreciated where I came from. I learned so much about myself and about this city and about Texas and about people and most importantly, about God.
This year has been the biggest adventure of my life and it is certainly one I will never, ever forget.
THANK YOU, Jesus!
Regan Sullivan 